My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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