I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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