just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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