I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ugly people sure do ruin things
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
