this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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