Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
