I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
