The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
