Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's rum buckets o'clock
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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