Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
