I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
