Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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