Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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