i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize