I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize