Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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