I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
