I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
