drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
