I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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