This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
