Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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