That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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