It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you would pick up someone in the library
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
