remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
