Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
