Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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