Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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