Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
