If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
