Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
