I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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