Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
