Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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