It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have aggressive nipples.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
