i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My life is pants optional.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
