first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
