Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
