I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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