oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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