Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
