You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
