Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
