I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
