just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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