Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
