How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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