Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
