Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
