i already hear my dad disowning me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
