apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she told me i tasted like america
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
