She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
