I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
