why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
