you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
