hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
