hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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