I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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