Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
