I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
