Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
