Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
this is an emotional support booty call
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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