it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
