Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
