i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
