Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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