hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
