Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
